Here was my night.
4:15pm Mum called. You hadn’t been answering your phone and she asked me to drive past the house to check on you.
4:30pm The door was locked and the key turned so I couldn’t get in. I had to jump the back wall and climb through the kitchen window. You were lying on the living room floor. I thought you were dead.
4:45pm You were a dead weight and only got up off the floor when I threatened to as John to help me pick you up. A great impression to make on my new boyfriend.
5:00pm: I rummaged through your kitchen – which later that night took me three hours to clean – to make you a fry up. Your hands were so shaky and your coordination was so bad you couldn’t get your beans onto your fork. You actually reverted to using your hands just so that you could get a few mouthfuls.
5:30. You fell asleep at the table with your head in your dinner. I tried to move you but you were too out of it.
I sat and watched you for an hour until you woke up, wondering what we did that was so wrong. How could you have fallen so far in one short year.
Don’t get me wrong, your drinking was always an issue, but I didn’t think that it would get its hooks into you so quickly. Yes, Mum left, but she will come back if you just give up the drink. Even if she doesn’t, what about us? Your children? We need you.
Life is so tough Dad without having to deal with this. More to the point. I miss you. I want my Dad back. You were always so strong, the bread winner, the Dad who knew the solution to every problem. How can I cope in this world when you are like this?