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To my husband,


I must admit, I have never really seen being an alcoholic as an illness.

For the most part, our life was stable. You’d go to work, be an attentive husband at home … you are a great Dad. Then you have too much to drink and turn our life upside down.

I thought because you could turn it off and on it was a weakness rather than something you couldn’t control.

I tried to support you. I tried everything to make you feel more relaxed: to make life easier for you. But being with you was a punishment for me in so many ways.

I hated when you went out. I was always so concerned that you would have one too many. You could be so unpredictable and it was always too challenging to get you home. You couldn’t see what you were doing.

In the years that we have been together, I have seen you risk our happiness on for a binge. You risked every ounce of stability that we had.

You are kind, caring and a great partner. I don’t want to lose this because of alcohol. I don’t want to lose our family.


I love you,

Your wife


Expert Response

Sheri Milan, Early Intervention Worker at ADA.

Thank you for sharing this letter. I appreciate this may have been difficult for you.

It sounds like your partner has many great qualities but that it is difficult when he starts drinking alcohol. I am not sure how much knowledge around drinking alcohol you are aware of so you can click the link on the right hand side for more information.

I also read that it is difficult to get your partner home when they have been drinking alcohol. I was wondering if you have had any thoughts of any boundaries, limits that you could discuss with your partner.

A common example I have encountered when working with family members is arranging a taxi at either an agreed time or having a set amount of money on them.

Have you considered support for yourself? Alcohol and Drugs Action can provide 1; 1 support through a duty drop in and we also have a family support group. The family and friends support group is a friendly safe space to share each other’s experiences and look at boundaries, coping strategies and self-care. To find out more about the services we offer we can be contacted on 01224 594700 or if you want to find out more about the family and friends support.

I hope you have found this response helpful.

What questions do you want to know the answer to?

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